Do Facebook friends help your child?     021

Today, as you well know, young people are using an increasing range of media technologies to develop and maintain friendships, making their own content, sharing personal profiles and indeed building their own brand. Elaborate self-identities can become part of a networked public performance, on show daily and sometimes even every hour. Facebook—with over one billion users worldwide—is of course the main social networking site, although some teenagers are now moving away to other types of media.

A key issue in all this is the types of friendships being formed and the degree of actual reality as characterised by genuine reciprocal need, and giving and taking. It has given media theorists something to study, and at present there are opposing arguments, including actual evidence. On the positive side social media is thought to help maintain relationships including healthy interaction, and this use of social media can exist in conjunction with friendships in real life. On the negative side the argument is that social media friendships are only trivial, and can be associated with feelings of loneliness and isolation, lower self esteem, and being less likely to engage in real interaction with families.

Certainly the numbers of social media contacts can be surprising for parents. Even before social media was invented many teenage girls prided themselves on how many telephone numbers they had listed in their mobile phones, and 200 or 300 might have been a competitive level. Now teenagers can have as many as 2000 Facebook friends, although the average number is a mere 200!

Annita Batliwala wrote an interesting article about Facebook friends (Sydney Morning Herald, 27 Jan 2016, p. 3) in which she reported on a new research study by a British professor, Robin Dunbar, using over 3000 participants. The results suggest that 150 is the maximum number of real friends possible, that is, where there are “reciprocated relationships”. Perhaps unsurprisingly the number of close friends—people that could be relied upon in a crisis—was only four. I am happy to recommend this article for parents to read. Indeed social media has generated a large number of articles, and will continue to do so, including serious research studies and theoretical papers intended for academics.

So what does all this mean for your child?  As a parent you do not have to worry yourself to death about your teenager’s use of social media. But you should be aware of what is generally happening, including how much time is spent on social media, and what type of involvement your teenager has with real life friends.  Outdoor activity, including weekend sport and similar pursuits can bring many benefits including productive friendships, and personal achievement which can open educational and career opportunities.

One other type of friend can be useful—successful people. Ideally your teenager should meet and talk with people who have achieved something, people who are doing something with their lives. There are many autobiographical and biographical accounts of famous people in books, articles and films. The possibilities are endless—sailing around the world, entrepreneurship and business success, or sport. Consider the Australian golfer, Greg Norman. Jack Welch, the former highly successful CEO of General Electric, said of Greg: “He hangs around with winners…” (article by Sean Aylmer, Welch’s way: embrace your fear and innovate, Australian Financial Review, 13 Aug 2005, p. 27).

There are also successful people overcoming disabilities, as well as detailed historical accounts of people who helped build Australia such as John Flynn and the Royal Flying Doctor Service. Unfortunately very little of this type of thing is covered in schools but every day the country benefits, and so can your child—if they read, reflect and then act.

All content copyright—Mark Thackray—Australian Educational Services